Michigan weather pwns Spring Game

It’s that time of year. Spring games were wide-spread across the college football nation this weekend. Michigan Pwns The World was at Michigan’s spring game. It sure was cold. We heard grumblings of the Frozen Four being warmer. MPTW HQ was stationed just outside of the Saline High football field, but we couldn’t see anything. However, what we heard were a lot of whistles and even more cheering. This is good news to Michigan fans, as cheering and praise signal success.

Cold & Confused

Unlike many other teams, Michigan preferred to have it’s Spring Game behind closed gates. There were no TV cameras, no hyper-crazy fans (Michigan fans were frozen), and no Tebow. Apparently Tim Tebow is still sick from his performance against Michigan last January. Who wouldn’t be with offense of this caliber.

Tebow\'s Dead Duck

 

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Desmond Howard Pwns College Football

So it’s the middle of the week, there hasn’t been a peep of sunshine since last Saturday, we are sitting around waiting for spring to really take hold—sounds like a perfect opportunity to remember back to a time of ultimate Michigan pwnage.  Or, well, at least a time where Michigan beat Ohio State with some regularity (thank you John Cooper)…

Setting: November 23, 1991, Michigan Stadium.  It was a classic November day in Ann Arbor; the sky was a steely gray and the fans were bundled in their thick coats, scarves, gloves, and one piece snow suits (oh, wait…that was just me thanks to my overprotective parents…).  On this day Michigan (9-1) thumped Ohio State (8-2) by a score of 31-3 and secured a trip to the Rose Bowl, but the ultimate highlight came from superstud Desmond Howard.  Annnnnd SCENE!

Michigan was up 17-3 late in the first half when Ohio State set up to punt on 4th down.  DHoward fielded the punt at the Michigan 7-yard line and #21 streaked the 93-yards to the opposite end zone for a touchdown.  As he crossed the goal line DHoward claimed his spot in Michigan pwnage history: he struck the Heisman Trophy pose as Keith Jackson (ABC Sports) yelled “Hellllllooooo Heisman!!!!”

OH THE GLORY!

Not only did DHoward pwn tOSU, two weeks later he pwned all of college football when he accepted the Heisman Trophy and the honor of Nation’s Best Player with 640 first place votes.  DHoward rightfully earned his spot on future Michigan Stadium cups and claimed his place as a Michigan legend.  To brighten your day, watch the video.

Great QB Search 2008: Part 1

With the Great QB Search of 2008 fully underway, MPTW is closly examining each potential guy to fill the role.  This QB search is like no other, as the starting spot is wide open. So wide open that we’re going to analyze the photos and give our prediction for success. Let’s take a look at the first guy.

Name: David Cone
Height: 6’7″
Weight: 214 lbs.

Life’s a bitch. And life’s been especially a bitch for one, David Cone. Since joining the team, he’s been a backup to Chad Henne, and then a backup to the back up Ryan Mallet. Stuck somewhere between Rich Rodriguez’s spring roster and a part-time job, he’s now competing for the back up to the back up to the back up pizza boy of Domino’s. That’s right, David Cone has a part time job with Domino’s. How do we know, evidence is in the picture.

Delivery

This picture was taken during one of the spring practice days.  It’s great to see David combining his sport with his job. I’ve heard it’s common practice at every other school. We’re not sure if he picked the sausage pizza himself, but the throw was absolutely beautiful. None of the sausage went missing. It’s good to see him supporting the rest of the pizza with his other hand as well. That’s a true delivery boy.

Prediction: 30 minutes or less or your pizza is free. Wait, we mean 30% chance. Here’s to pizza and David Cone.

*** Thanks to the Freep for the photo.

Michigan Pwns The World- Official Ethics

“People say Michigan has an arrogance. But the bottom line is that Michigan fans care about Michigan and they don’t care about anybody else.”

Here at Michigan Pwns the World, we tirelessly operate by the above words.  We have tasked ourselves with the endless pursuit of shamelessly promoting Michigan in the most biased fashion possible.  We will not be dissuaded from this high calling.

It is our goal to provide testimonial, photo, video, and any other multimedia friendly evidence of what we all know deep in our Maize & Blue hearts to be true: Michigan Pwns The World.  Do not argue with us, embrace us for what we are, blind supporters of the Wolverines in all facets of life.  GO BLUE!

 

Pwnipedia

Pwn is a leetspeak term that implies domination and humiliation of a rival, used primarily on this blog to taunt and ridicule an opposing player (or entire team) who has just been soundly defeated or nearly killed. Other uses of the word include pwnt, pwnd, pwnage, pwning, or pwner. Examples include:

  • Desmond Howard was the first legitimate pwner. [1991]
  • Braylon Edwards pwnd the entire Michigan State defense. [October 2004]
  • By being in the game, Jimmy Clausen is surely going to be on the receiving end of a major pwning. [Soon]

Etymology
The word “pwn” spread like wildfire in the Michigan community thanks to our notoriety as a University and the sheer magnificence of the sports teams. When we use the word pwnage, readers should view it as a combination of certain words. The “p” derives from pure, perfect, and powerful. Ownage finishes the natural progression. Over the course of a Michigan football season, you may find yourself yelling at your tv “you just got pwned!”. Feel free to share your experiences with us.

The Michigan Difference