Author Archives: kingofpwn

Michael Phelps pwns the world too.

It’s no surprise that another person from the University of Michigan has dished out some serious pwnage. Michael Phelps (seen below swimming in a pool of gold medals) has won 8 gold medals in 8 races at the 2008 Olympics. He was barely off the ultimate pwnage record of 8 World Records; he only set 7. Come on Michael!

Michael had a lot of people rooting against him, namely Chinese gold suppliers. One former swimmer/current loser Ian Thorpe bet against Phelps saying “I don’t think he’ll win 7 let alone 8 gold medals. He’s just not that good and I’m extremely jealous.” I don’t know why Thorpe wasn’t in this Olympics. Perhaps he retired or perhaps he was busy swimming in tar? Whichever it was, Michael shut him up pretty good. I expect Thorpe to go back on his statement in the essence of something below:

Anyways, in true Olympic pwnage, I declare that Michael Phelps get his gold medals dipped in platinum and covered in diamonds.

World. You just got pwned. Eat it! Congratulations Michael. You have truly pwned the world.

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DickRod’s real response to the “Gentlemen’s Agreement”

Obviously DickRod is Christian. Can you figure out who else is around the table?

Michigan pwns college football fashion

No surprising news to Michigan fans, but apparently some Heidi Klum-esque guy at Fox Sports has declared Michigan the sole keeper of College Football’s best uniforms. This is a pretty big prize, as countless teams spend wads of money re-vamping their uniforms every year. Michigan, intelligently, has stuck to the basics and out-performed them all.

This summer, Michigan will be switching over to Adidas sponsered jerseys. We imagine the design won’t be too far from this:

However, Rich & Co. may pull a good old-fashion West Virginia coal-train robbery on Michigan and give us:


Word on the street is that Ohio State is bringing in Rami Kashou (last year’s Project Runway runner-up) this year to drape even more “buck-nuts” stickers on their uniforms. We expect it’d look something like this:

DickRod Strikes Again

A new story has surfaced surrounding the unpopular exit of Rich Rodriguez from the West Viriginia University football program. Reporters from The Morgantown Times have discovered documents and photos detailing a massive operation to undermine not only the University but the entire West Virginia populous as well.

The article states that on January 2, 2008, Rich Rodriguez along with Bill Martin, Mary Sue Coleman, Mike Barwis, and legendary folk singer/West Virigina legend John Denver stole a coal train and delivered it to the University of Michigan. A source inside the coal company speculated on the details of the heist:

January 2, 2008

  • 9:30pm – Rich Rodriguez and his elite task force sneak into WV Coal Co. secret headquarters.
  • 9:35pm – A loud bang is heard by the guard.
  • 9:36pm – Guard checks his gun.
  • 10:15pm – Mary Sue Coleman seduces the guard by making him a cheese & coal sandwich, popularly known as the Black Muenster Lung .
  • 10:25pm – Mike Barwis and John Denver pick up and carry the train engine to a clear track.
  • 10:27pm – Rich Rodriguez and Bill Martin steal $4 million dollars from the WV Coal Co.’s safe.

 In addition to the money, the following items were reported missing by the University and WV Coal Co.:

  • 1 coal-powered train engine
  • 98 rail cars
  • Ryan Mundy
  • Every WVU football helmet
  • 17 million tons of coal

William Roberts Dawgers, a chief coalologist within West Virginia University, thinks the coal was stolen to power the construction equipment for the upgrade to The Big House. He goes on to claim “coal is the fuel of the future. It runs 90% cleaner than any other power source. It’s no wonder the University of Michigan would want it.”

 

Pwning The Numbers

52 Punches Little Brother received this weekend.
The Michigan vs. Michigan State 4-game baseball series is finally over. Congratulations to the Michigan State Spartans for showing up. After that, it was over.

Smile!
(Michigan State poses for a picture)

247 Expected draft number of Mario Manningham according to Jim Carty.
We think Mario will get it together, grow up, and have a successful NFL career.

7 Consecutive titles for Women’s Water Polo.
We didn’t even get to see a game. Maybe BTN will pick up some more games next year. Congrats girls.

1 Recruits landed last week by Rich Rodriguez & Company.
Welcome to Ann Arbor, Mr. Fitgerald Touissant. Reactions over at mgoblog.

131 Days til kickoff vs. Utah.
We don’t know about you, but we’re getting excited. Question is, who’ll get the starting QB gig? More on that later this week…

Michigan weather pwns Spring Game

It’s that time of year. Spring games were wide-spread across the college football nation this weekend. Michigan Pwns The World was at Michigan’s spring game. It sure was cold. We heard grumblings of the Frozen Four being warmer. MPTW HQ was stationed just outside of the Saline High football field, but we couldn’t see anything. However, what we heard were a lot of whistles and even more cheering. This is good news to Michigan fans, as cheering and praise signal success.

Cold & Confused

Unlike many other teams, Michigan preferred to have it’s Spring Game behind closed gates. There were no TV cameras, no hyper-crazy fans (Michigan fans were frozen), and no Tebow. Apparently Tim Tebow is still sick from his performance against Michigan last January. Who wouldn’t be with offense of this caliber.

Tebow\'s Dead Duck

 

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