A new story has surfaced surrounding the unpopular exit of Rich Rodriguez from the West Viriginia University football program. Reporters from The Morgantown Times have discovered documents and photos detailing a massive operation to undermine not only the University but the entire West Virginia populous as well.
The article states that on January 2, 2008, Rich Rodriguez along with Bill Martin, Mary Sue Coleman, Mike Barwis, and legendary folk singer/West Virigina legend John Denver stole a coal train and delivered it to the University of Michigan. A source inside the coal company speculated on the details of the heist:
January 2, 2008
- 9:30pm – Rich Rodriguez and his elite task force sneak into WV Coal Co. secret headquarters.
- 9:35pm – A loud bang is heard by the guard.
- 9:36pm – Guard checks his gun.
- 10:15pm – Mary Sue Coleman seduces the guard by making him a cheese & coal sandwich, popularly known as the Black Muenster Lung .
- 10:25pm – Mike Barwis and John Denver pick up and carry the train engine to a clear track.
- 10:27pm – Rich Rodriguez and Bill Martin steal $4 million dollars from the WV Coal Co.’s safe.
In addition to the money, the following items were reported missing by the University and WV Coal Co.:
- 1 coal-powered train engine
- 98 rail cars
- Ryan Mundy
- Every WVU football helmet
- 17 million tons of coal
William Roberts Dawgers, a chief coalologist within West Virginia University, thinks the coal was stolen to power the construction equipment for the upgrade to The Big House. He goes on to claim “coal is the fuel of the future. It runs 90% cleaner than any other power source. It’s no wonder the University of Michigan would want it.”